Trust is an unpredictable entity. Trust can make or break the individual; shattering the soul into a thousand jagged pieces when it is violated.
Loved ones are entrusted to protect us, shield us from harm. But what happens when this unwritten promise is severed? A pattern of broken relationships, paranoia and worthlessness ensues; the inability to truly trust anyone is prevalent.
Repression is a delicate but necessary coping mechanism, often in times of trauma and distress. Recently, in my adult years, flashbacks have occurred, confusing and hurtful, but oddly familiar.
I was lost and alone in this revelation, a multitude of emotions building inside, hard to control. I felt like I could not trust myself, like I could not trust this sudden onslaught of forgotten events. My world was crashing down around me. What had I done to deserve this? Why would my friend, my family do this to me?
Fragmented memories invade my mind
Troubled, tormented and trapped inside.
Dark rooms, secrets hidden away
Each night the monster would come to play.
Our little “game”, no-one else to know
He was not my friend, but a devious foe.
How was I to know that this was not right
I did not remember till one winter’s night.
Disturbing memories, familiar somehow
Rising to the surface, but why appear now?
I was much older, an adult in fact
This discovery it broke me
I began to crack.
All alone, hurt, full of shame
I feel like I am the one to blame.
What did I do? Why me? And how?
Broken, empty, look at me now.
A shell of existence, a roll-coaster ride
Inside I feel like I have died.
thoughts.within.lolly 